Sunday, June 07, 2009

Freeing myself up at 44 !

So, it goes like this ... I had a mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and power battle going on with my mother for many, many years ... then she died. This space that was left by her departing threw me into a maelstrom of confusion and yes, even depression. I was lost, not able to find myself; here in Mexico we'd say 'que no me hayo'. About 8 years ago I had the honour and fortune to spend my Guru-Ji's holiday period with him at a remote and paradisical beach, and on one of those gloriously perfect days as we frolicked together, stark naked, in a little tidal pool of tropical fish-filled bubbling sea, he told me that I needed to examine my motivation for doing what I do with my life ... that it was time to start living my own truth and not that imposed by others. In a flash, a split-second-flachazo of enlightenment, I understood what he meant and the truth vibrated through me ... he chuckled and nodded his approval and I wandered off to ponder this new realisation. It got lost in translation ... and all I remained with, having allowed 'mind' to come in, was the ever-steady conviction that I WOULD NOT BE DICTATED TO BY SOCIETY'S DEMANDS and thus I missed the point all together. It was when my mother recently died and this feeling of profound loss ... not only the loss of her ... of the possibility of her, but also of the need to cowtow to her ... came flooding through every cell of my existence, that I finally realised exactly what the deep truth my heavenly Guru-ji had been trying to impart to me that day was. He, like I, was an Osho lover, and many of his truths and teachings reflect Osho's own so well, and today, as I sat and planned to write on this blog, I got deliciously distracted by the Osho pages in my bookmarks, and today's No-Thought for the day is perfect to sum up what it is I have been waffling on about in these previous paragraphs. So I shall leave this post with the wisdom of Osho, of Guru-Ji Filiberto, and of life and death itself.

Why you should bother about recognition? Bothering about recognition has a meaning only if you don´t love your work; then it is meaningful, then it seems to substitute. You hate the work, you don´t like it, but you are doing it because there will be recognition; you will be appreciated, accepted. Rather than thinking about recognition, reconsider about your work. Do you love it? — then that is the end. If you do not love it, then change it!


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